


Words Left Unsaid

by DovaBunny



Series: Fenders Ficlets [11]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Fenders, Happy Ending, M/M, Modern AU, snippets of life through diary entries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 16:33:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16021751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DovaBunny/pseuds/DovaBunny
Summary: Between two backyards stands a big oak tree, big heavy branches that are perfect for climbing.In a hidden hollow of the trunk is a book, a diary, shared between two boys. Between abusive, oppressive, and controlling parents the two managed to connectSnippets of the many entries over the years tells a story of friendship and love.





	Words Left Unsaid

~ ~ ~

**_Excerpts from a diary found in the hollow of an old oak tree between two backyards._ **

~ ~ ~

March 1, 1998

F

See? I told you the book won’t be ruined! The creepy guy at the emporium said it’s enchanted. Now we can leave each other messages all the time without our stupid parents seeing! I really wish your ass step-father will back off and let you come play again sometime. I still can’t believe he got so mad just because we were building sand castles. Between your tutors, piano lessons, cello lessons, classes and extra classes, and dance lessons I hope you write me back soon.  It’s fun watching you get all quiet and angry when you lose at wacky racing on the xbox. We should play again!

A

~ ~ ~

March 4, 1998

A

I apologize that it took me this long before I could respond. I had to sneak out my window on the second floor and almost slipped like three times. But I’m fine. Our times playing together keep me smiling and going when I get tired. Danarius threatens to punish me again every time he sees my attention wavering. I’m so tired. I miss you friend. Thank you for not giving up on wanting to be my friend. Hope to see you soon.

F

~ ~ ~

**_Years pass and a friendship grows_ **

~ ~ ~

June 12, 2000

A

Are you okay? A few nights ago I heard yelling and the sound of something crashing before the police showed up. I haven’t seen your curtains open since then, and I’m starting to worry for you my friend.  I also wanted to tell you that I read those Roald Dahl books you suggested and loved them. I wish to see your face smiling back at me from your window. Please be okay.

F

~ ~ ~

June 23, 2000

F

I’m sorry for worrying you. I’m back now. Those weren’t police, they were templars. Turns out I’m a mage. My dad was yelling at my mom again and I got angry. I didn’t mean to burn the bed. I have to go for injections once every two weeks now. To keep my magic away. They say it’s better this way. I’m sorry. I know how you feel about magic. I will understand if you don’t want to be my friend anymore. 

A

~ ~ ~

June 24, 2000

You are my friend, whether you can light a candle by match or magic. I’m so sorry. I made you something in art class today. Meet me in the tree after bedtime?

Your friend, always

F

~ ~ ~

**_Years pass and a friendship is cemented_ **

~ ~ ~

26 December, 2006

F

I still can’t believe last night happened! That was WILD! Your Qunlat has gotten so good and those qunari thugs really believed you were friends with the Arishok! Thank the Maker though… they looked ready to pommel us good for stealing that gatlok. It made the most amazing fireworks, didn’t it? You’re the bravest, smartest, and most cocky elf I know. Don’t ever change!

A

~ ~ ~

27 December, 2006

A

I still can’t believe you were able to scare off those big dogs with fireballs! Your control of your magic is amazing. What will your parents do when they find out you stopped going for the injections? Last night was the most fun I’ve had in such a long time. And it’s thanks to you. You never gave up on me when I got quiet or angry. You’re my best friend, Anders. Thank you for taking me on an adventure for christmas day. Maybe next year we can go see the lights again? And I’m keeping you to your promise to kissing me at midnight on new years eve. 

F

~ ~ ~

**_Years passed and love blossomed_ **

~ ~ ~

13 March, 2010

A

Meet me at midnight in the park under the cherry tree. 

F

~ ~ ~

14 March, 2010

F

I can’t stop thinking of you; of last night. The taste of your lips, the smell of your skin, the way you took my shaking hands - so steady, always brave - and held me close as we became one. The way you felt inside my, around me, on me. 

I need you to know...

I love you too. 

A

~ ~ ~

**_Years passed and boys became men_ **

~ ~ ~

2 January, 2011

F

I wanted to wake you to say goodbye, I had the pebbles in my hand and looked at your window, but I couldn’t bare the thought. The sun isn’t even up yet and the bus should be here any moment. I wish I couldn’t stayed with you, it would be like we always dreamed - you go to university and become a famous intellectual, and I’ll teach magic to kids who, like me, were misunderstood and shunned instead of supported and guided. 

But you and I both know that it’s not as easy as we wish. You have a future here, opportunities, money, and status. I have nothing. No name, no money, no exceptional skill. The Wardens are the best chance I have to change that, to make something of myself. 

You always deserved better. Better than Danarius, better than this town, better than me. 

Be happy. 

Love.

A

~ ~ ~

2 January, 2011

A

You left. You’re really gone. 

I woke to the sound of the buss pulling away. For a moment I considered jumping out the window and chasing it down.

You didn’t say goodbye.

How could you

F

~ ~ ~

5 January, 2011

I kept looking at your window, hoping to see your handsome face smiling back. I keep hoping it was all just a nightmare. 

F

~ ~ ~

15 January, 2011

It feels like a part of me is missing. You’ve been my first friend, my first love, and the best friend I could ever wish for. 

I got accepted to Minrathous University. Danarius says he ‘couldn’t be more proud’, and principal Meredith called to congratulate me. But I don’t give a fuck about any of that.  

What am I to do without you, Anders? I can’t do this without you. This was never my dream, this was  _ ours _ . 

~ ~ ~

27 January, 2011

The taxi is waiting to take me to the airport, but I couldn’t leave before… 

I don’t even know what I’m doing. I’m writing messages you will never see, crying into pages you’ll never touch. 

I considered taking the book with me, something of you to keep close, but I couldn’t get myself to take it. It belongs here, in the tree, where a gap-toothed, skinny blond boy with scrapes on his knees and mud on his nose first smiled at me over the fence. 

I hope you’re happy Anders. 

~ ~ ~

**_Years passed and people change_ **

~ ~ ~

6 October, 2015

F

It’s still here. When I found it I nearly wept with joy. But then I read your last entries and the tears came on their own accord. 

My father passed shortly after I left, and I am ashamed to say I didn’t mourn for him. But then a few months ago I got the letter that my mother passed. It was only then that I realised how long I’ve been away, how long I’ve been running. 

I’m back. I inherited the house and the Warden Commander has put me in charge of a new outpost in town focused on recruiting and training young mages who wish to serve the wardens. 

It’s a dream come true. But it’s empty without you. 

I know I have only myself to blame. 

A

~ ~ ~

11 February, 2016

F

Engaged. You’re engaged. 

When I saw the black discovery pull up to the driveway next door and watched as a tall man with white hair get out, I nearly collapsed before racing out to greet you. 

And I did greet you. And your fiance. 

She seems lovely. 

_ But are you happy? What happened to your smile? Where is my Fenris with mischief in his eyes and a smirk on his lips? _

I wish you all the happiness in the world _. _ _ I know it may not have seemed that way, but trying to smile through feeling your heart break _ You deserve it, Fen. I always did say you deserve better, and it seems you found it. 

You have become such a handsome man, Fen. Breathtaking. You’re still as smart and charming as I remember , even though the light in your eyes seem to have dimmed . I saw the way your back stiffened at the discussion between your fiance and your mother about all the parties and guests  and all that pretentious bullshit you used to hate  , so remember if you need a break from it all - you’re welcome to come over for tea. I found my old xbox and it still works, maybe you can finally beat me in wacky racing? 

A

~ ~ ~

12 February, 2016

A

_ Seeing you again after all this time, I _

_ Do you have any idea what you did to me _

_ How dare you. How dare you be there when I finally learned to move on, looking lost and beautiful. How dare you _

I wish I could talk to you. _But I don’t think it's a good idea, the temptation is too great_ _._ I’m glad that you kept the house. You seem at home. _Is it awful to be jealous of that? I wanted to be your home_ _._ You seem to be doing well. I’m glad. _I will always love you._ I will always be thankful for your friendship and cherish our childhood together. 

I’ll be sure to visit when I get time.

F

~ ~ ~

21 March, 2016

F

I can’t do this. I can’t be here, I can’t go to the wedding and watch you get married to someone else. Not when I’ve spent my whole life dreaming of being the person walking down the aisle to you. I can’t do it. 

Please forgive me, old friend. I wish you happiness, I truly do, but seeing you get married tomorrow will be the death of me. 

I’m going back to the Wardens. For good. The Warden Commander has been begging me to come back and offered me a very senior position with good pay.  I’m taking everything I need with me and leaving the rest to you. Sell it, keep it, burn it, do with it what you wish. 

All my love

A

~ ~ ~ 

22 March, 2016

A

It’s my wedding night and I’m sitting in the backyard in a tree reading a diary. Good money says no one has even realised I’m not there, everyone too happy to revel in the wine and food and social flaunting. The only face I wanted to see, _besides my bride I guess I should say,_ was yours. I was hurt, furious, felt betrayed - but then I read your entry and realised how selfish I was, expecting you to be there. I would like to think I would be able to stand by and watch you marry someone else, but that would be a lie. 

And now you’re gone, and I’m married. You’re a warden and I’m an diplomat. We’re all grown up. 

Why does it feel like I lost everything? I’ve never felt this poor, lost, and worthless. 

F

 

~ ~ ~

 

_ 15 September, 2018 _

_ Tucked into the final entry page is a cut out of a newspaper piece. “Local Boy Turned Warden Dies a Hero”. There’s a photo of Anders, a faint smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, but handsome just the same in his warden blues. A short bio lists him as a ‘popular and bright boy’ who died by sacrificing himself in a mission taking down slavery trades on the Tevinter Anderfels border.  _

_ A small worn diary is placed on a tombstone by a trembling hand with 27 white roses.  _

_ ~ ~ ~ _

A

I should never have let you go. I will never forgive myself. I will never forget you. A part of me died on the border with you. 

All my love always.

F

 

_ ~ ~ ~ _

 

“Fenris? Hey, wake up sleepyhead,” there was a light touch on his cheek as thumb wiped away a tear. “Fen? the voice was gentle and concerned. 

A voice he knew. 

Fenris’ eyes snapped open, his vision blurred with tears for a moment before they focused on the man sitting at the edge of his bed. 

“Anders?”

“Who else would it be, love?” Anders smiled softly and ran his fingers through Fenris’ soft hair. “You okay? Bad dream?”

Fenris’ words were stuck in his throat. He just wrapped his arms around Anders and crushed the man to his chest, burying his face in his neck. 

His smell, his warmth, his voice… this was real. 

Fenris nodded. His voice was thick when he spoke. “Nightmare. I had a glimpse of my life if I never stopped you from leaving. I…”

“Hush love, I’m here,” Anders whispered, kissing his forehead. “You did, that’s all that matters. I will never forget the way you ran down the road after the bus and stood in front of it and demanded I saw goodbye or you won’t let me leave.”

Fenris chuckled wetly at the memory. “You couldn’t say goodbye. So you stayed.”

“I did,” Anders lifts his chin for a sweet, soft kiss. “Now get that sexy butt of yours in the shower, the wedding photographer will be at the venue in an hour. Varric says it’s tacky for a bride to be late to her wedding, and just plain rude if the groom is late. Let alone both grooms.”


End file.
